Ok, it was me. Having won £161m on the lottery, I’ve been doing all those things you dream of doing. I rocked up at work this morning and told my boss he’s a cunt. I’ve ditched the wife and kids in anticipation of all the beautiful women who will undoubtedly throw themselves at me. I’ve promised all my mates a no-expense-spared blowout to Las Vegas. Tomorrow it’s estate agents and Ferrari dealerships.
All I’m waiting on now is the Chief Secretary of the Zimbabwean Lottery Commission to sign off the cheque and playboy lifestyle here we come.