ARIES: Dear God! Give me PATIENCE and I want it NOW!
TAURUS: Dear God, please help me accept CHANGE in my life, but NOT YET.
GEMINI: Yo God…(or is it Goddess?)…Who are you?…What are you?…..Where are You?…..How many of you ARE there? I can’t figure you out!
CANCER: Dear Daddy, I know I shouldn’t depend on you so much, but you’re the only One I can count on while my security blanket is at the cleaners.
LEO: Hi, Pop! I’ll bet you’re really proud to have me as your kid!
VIRGO: Dear God, please make the world a better place, and don’t screw it up like you did the last time.
LIBRA: Dear God, I know I should make decisions for myself. But, on the other hand, what do YOU think?
SCORPIO: Dear God, help me forgive my enemies, even if the bastards don’t deserve it.
SAGITTARIUS: OH ALMIGHTY, ALL KNOWING, ALL-LOVING, ALL-POWERFUL, OMNIPRESENT, EVERLASTING GOD, IF I’VE ASKED YOU ONCE, I’VE ASKED YOU A THOUSAND TIMES — HELP ME STOP EXAGGERATING!!!!!!!!!!
CAPRICORN: Dear Father, I was going to pray, but I guess I ought to figure things out for myself. Thanks anyway.
AQUARIUS: Hi God! Some say you’re a man. Some say you’re a woman. I say we’re ALL God. So, why pray? Let’s have a party!
PISCES: Heavenly Father, as I prepare to consume this last fifth of Scotch to drown out my pain and sorrow, may my inebriation be for Thy greater Honor and Glory.