I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.
I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms.
Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.
Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.
Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.
Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.
It’s best for employers that I not work with people.
Let’s meet, so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.
You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.
Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.
I was working for my mom until she decided to move.
Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments.
I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.
I am loyal to my employer at all costs..Please feel free to respond to my
resume on my office voice mail.
I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and
My goal is to be a meterologist. But since I possess no training in
meterology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.
I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.
Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.
As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.
Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.
Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have never
quit a job.
Marital status: often. Children: various.
Reason for leaving my last job: They insisted that all employees get to
work by 8:45 am every morning. I couldn’t work under thos conditions.
The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.
Finished eighth in my class of ten.
References: none. I’ve left a path of destruction behind me.