10. An area of low pressure, which is formed in eastern Canada, moved quickly southeast… oh, who am I kidding? I have no idea what I’m talking about
9. You didn’t hear it from me, but earth has spun out of orbit and is hurdling away from the sun
8. With a Kuchinich Presidency still a slight possibility, hell is beginning to freeze over
7. Who cares about the weather — Don’t I look great?
6. The Gods are angry about that Britney Spears marriage
5. Someone must have left the Ed Sullivan Theater doors open
4. If I actually knew, don’t you think I’d be doing something about it
3. Let’s just say it’s gonna stay cold ’till I get a raise
2. Don’t know, but we could figure it out over a warm snuggle by a roaring fire at my place
1. It’s January, you pantywaists — get over it!!