10. I wanted to get my Christmas shopping done early
9. Used to smuggle drugs, but now everybody’s into the Atkins diet
8. It seemed like a good idea when I was drunk
7. First I get caught mailing myself in a crate and now this
6. Rush Limbaugh has a new addiction
5. If I refused, Oscar Mayer was going to kill my family
4. I can’t bring luncheon meats across the border? What is this, Russia?
3. Was just a decoy for the guy smuggling 800 pounds of olive loaf
2. How about I give you fifty pounds of bologna to make this whole problem go away?
1. It was medical bologna