Top 10 Good Things About Being Named George W. Bush

10. Read my lips: I never pay taxes

9. I receive courtesy calls whenever Cheney has a heart attack

8. I always get the Presidential Suite at Motel 6 in downtown Cleveland

7. After sex, my wife hums Hail to the Chief

6. Whenever I get bored, I call the Texas Department of Corrections and have them execute a guy

5. Last week, I used an improperly addressed Halliburton contribution to buy myself a trampoline

4. I’ve been cleaning up on Denny’s Presidents Eat Free promotion

3. Amusing late night phone calls from a drunk Tony Blair

2. People are pleasantly surprised that I’m not an idiot

1. The President offered me ten grand for a copy of my military records

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