10. Be honest…have you ever seen a nicer spider hole than this?
9. Who’s got a coat hanger — this beard itches like a son of a bitch!
8. Anyone have a mint?
7. Is this about the illegal music downloads?
6. Am I going to be on ‘Cops’?
5. Which describes me better right now — ‘haggard’ or ‘grizzled’?
4. How did you get past my impenetrable styrofoam brick?
3. Do I get the 25-million-dollar reward?
2. How’s the war going?
1. Will you go easy on me if I tell you where Martha Stewart is hiding?