Top 10 Secrets Learned From Saddam Hussein’s Papers

10. Saddam is Kurdish for Duane

9. Had just acquired a New York City cabdriver’s license

8. Surprisingly, dots his Is with hearts

7. You won’t find a bigger Clay Aiken fan

6. Four of clubs? Gay

5. His divine plan for world domination was written on back of Blimpie’s coupon

4. Continued to name himself Iraqi of the Month right through November

3. Was working on a book of You Might Be a Dictator If… jokes

2. Funneled money to ABC to throw Trista and Ryan a fabulous wedding

1. He wrote letters to Penthouse under name Sexy in Spider Hole

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