Top 10 Things Overheard at Martha Stewart’s Thanksgiving Dinner

10. Martha’s carving the turkey with a shiv

9. The yams really accentuate your jumpsuit

8. Let’s give thanks that we live in a country where vast wealth still has a good shot at keeping you out of prison

7. Federal agents — come out — you’re surrounded

6. I didn’t feel like doing much this year, so everything’s from Roy Rogers

5. A meal like that is worth a dozen cartons of cigarettes

4. I don’t know about justice, but you sure obstructed my diet tonight

3. I’m totally gonna bid on that couch at the government auction

2. Malt liquor — it’s a good thing

1. We should do this again in 4 to 6 years

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