10. Best Country Album award determined by good old fashioned leg wrasslin.
9. Only live performance of the evening: A Howard Dean crazed rant.
8. New category: Song most illegally downloaded.
7. To encourage people to watch CBS, changing title to Grammys: CSI.
6. For safety reasons, earth and wind may perform but fire is prohibited.
5. Bjork will be even bjorkier!
4. To draw fans of the Latin Grammys, all participants will wear sombreros.
3. Opening number: A musical tribute to the FCC.
2. Only Jackson permitted at the ceremony is Marlon, who is working backstage as a grip.
1. If your acceptance speech is over 30 seconds, Puffy starts shooting.