Top Ten Things I Have Learned Interning At the LATE SHOW

10. Television is a magical dreamland of paying delivery guys and replacing toner cartridges

9. Late Show T-shirts are made in a sweatshop under the Ed Sullivan Theater

8. hours of work go into writing Dave’s so-called ‘fan mail’

7. differences allow you to distinguish Dave’s twin poodles, Chablis and Chardonnay

6. Any idiot can become famous if they own a suit and can read a cue card

5. New York is a wonderful place to meet hookers

4. I’m asked, ‘Have you ever wasted four months of your life?’ I’ll be ready with an answer

3. ‘t go to Dave’s barber

2. make Dave’s coffee, add two scoops of French roast for every cup of Dewar’s

1. My parents lie and say I intern for Leno

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