Top Ten Things You Don’t Want To Hear From A Guy In A Hotel

10. The desk clerk is nuts, so whatever room number she gives you, add three.

9. I wrote you a note about halfway through your roll of toilet paper.

8. Meet me in the whirlpool in twenty minutes.

7. If you want a bellhop, press ‘1’ on your phone; If you want a hooker, press ‘2.’

6. Ring this bell again, I’ll burn your luggage.

5. Hey, could you go over to the Ramada and swipe us some towels?

4. You know, every room has a hair dryer — How’s that for ritzy?

3. Are you the bastard that took my gin out of the minibar?

2. Wanna see the pictures I took of you sleeping?

1. Do you mind sharing your room with a monkey?

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