TRANSLATING WOMAN’S Vs MEN’S ENGLISH

WOMAN’S ENGLISH

Yes = No

No = Yes

Maybe = No

We need = I want

I’m sorry = you’ll be sorry

We need to talk = I need to complain

Sure go ahead = I don’t want you to

Is my arse fat? = Tell me I’m beautiful

Do what you want = you’ll pay for this later

I’m not upset = of course I’m upset, you moron!

Are you listening to me? = Too late, you’re dead

You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me

Be romantic, turn out the lights = I hate my thighs

You’re so.. Manly = you need a shave and you sweat a lot

Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for something expensive

It’s your decision = the correct decision should be obvious by now

You’re certainly attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

I’ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good Game on TV

How much do you love me? = I did something today that you’re really not going to like

MEN’S ENGLISH

I’m hungry = I’m hungry

I’m sleepy = I’m sleepy

I’m tired = I’m tired

Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

I love you = Let’s have sex now

I’m bored = Do you want to have sex?

That’s wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question

I love you too = OK, I said it, can we have sex now?

Can I call you sometime? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you

Do you want to go to a movie? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you

Can I take you out to dinner? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you

Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other men

You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with you in the next 10 minutes

Let’s talk = I’m trying to impress you by showing that I am deep person and maybe then you’d like to have sex with me

I don’t think those shoes go with that outfit = I’m gay

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