Valentines cancer 2016

Cancerians are a rutting sort of highly active, precocious and occasionally ‘nasty’ sort of people. On Valentine’s night, however, will see your more sensitive side get an outing, but not that kind of outing. Sensitive things generally shouldn’t be outed unless you’re well lubricated and/or in the hands of a professional. Proctologically speaking. You may feel loved, both inside and out.


Disgusting images may spring to mind today, as will the occasional belief that you are destined for a highly romantic future with someone you know. If you do know them, however, please bear that in mind for two reasons:


Since they know you, are you entirely sure they’re going to want to ‘congress’?

If it doesn’t work out, for whatever reason (including medical anomalies) are you sure that the rest of your days are not going to be terribly uncomfortable?

When bearing things in mind, do also bear in mind that you aren’t bare behind. That means nothing, is only slightly rhythmical and is probably just going to annoy you. Sorry. Love will come and grab you by the ankles today, before climbing on top of you and making you feel like you’re in a Shania Twain song.

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