Valentines taurus 2016

For those whose lucky number ends in 6:

With all that’s going on today you’ll be lucky if you can spell “Valentine” by the end of it. Spelling, however, will still be the least of your problems. You really don’t want to know any more, I promise you.


For everyone else


Life is a box of beautifully rich and gorgeous chocolates. Which is a reminder, by the way, to go and get some for your loved one. If you do happen to forget, then no doubt there’s some equally romantic poem that you can find on a search engine somewhere that’ll satisfy your partner and you can have fun times licking various substances off various parts of his/her intimate areas.


“Intimate areas” is a phrase you may read a lot today but may cause confusion in the bedroom/stairs/kitchen/child’s sand pit. While the appendix is an intimate area (and which I was always told as a child would be full of grape seeds) it’s probably not quite ready to be rubbed with nutella.


Peaches are your lucky fruit for today, and iced buns are your lucky dessert. “Harder”, “faster” and “more intense” are also said to be George Lucas’ favourite phrases. See if you can make them yours.

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