“Oh Virgo! You mean so much to me-o! You give me so much joy-o! I am a lucky chap!”
I once saw that written on a bathroom stall and thought I’d share it with you. I’m not quite sure what it means – it may lyrics to the most beautiful song in the world. It may be the death cry of someone who’s been locked in a toilet and forced to bend into positions usually only attainable by strippers and yoga instructors.
On with the horoscopes though! Valentine’s day will bring you so much fortune that you’d think you’d been run over by a van full of medics. Your fortune won’t be from gold or jewels, but will instead be the juices of a loving relationship, all washed down in mouthfuls after a meal of sumptuous pleasure.
Nothing graphically sensual will happen to you today as you spend most of Valentine’s trying to fix problems at work. I mean – can’t those b****rds sort anything out for themselves? Why is it always you having to correct their mistakes, and why do they never learn? You’re sick of this s**t and you’re going to find yourself a better job, at least in time for next year’s Valentine’s day.
In the end a takeaway curry may be your best chance of having something hot and filling inside you.