* You met him in prison.
* During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.
* He tells you that his last good case was a Budweiser.
* When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.
* He picks the jury by playing duck-duck-goose.
* He tells you that he’s never told a lie.
* He asks a hostile witness to pull my finger.
* A prison guard is shaving your head.