You Know You Work for the Government If…

When someone asks about what you do for a living, you lie.

You get really excited about a 2% pay raise.

Your biggest loss from a system crash is you lose your best jokes.

Your supervisor doesn’t have the ability to do your job.

You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet.

Computer specialists know less about computers than your teenager.

Lunch is like another scheduled meeting, only shorter.

You see a good looking person and know they are a visitor.

Management thinks a business trip with uncompensated mandatory weekend travel is a perk.

Although you have a telephone, pager, E-mail, FAX, company distribution, Fed-X, US mail and coworkers sitting right on the other side of the partition…communication is a continuing problem.

You know, and everyone that works with you knows, your performance is superior, but satisfactory is the highest level on the documented performance rating.

You work 200 hours for the $100 bonus check and jubilantly say Oh wow, thanks!

Dilbert cartoons hang outside every cube.

When workers screw up they are transferred to another office to be someone else’s problem; when management screws up they are promoted.

Your boss’ favorite lines are when you get a few minutes, in your spare time, when you’re freed up and I have an opportunity for you.

Training is something spoken about but never seen.

Vacation is something you roll over to next year.

The worst possible reputation comes from being the initiator of acomplaint.

You only have makeup for fluorescent lighting.

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